The Lonely Island Paradigm

Until today, I subscribed to the Field of Dreams Corallary. Roughly stated, the FODC states that if a girl does not love Field of Dreams, a serious relationship is impossible. Ask any guy, and he will get wistful when talking about the game of catch in the movie. I once watched it with a girl who looked at me like a weirdo when I choked up at the end. Look honey, I thought, if you don't enjoy that, then we are so different on such a basic level that it would be like dating a female alpaca. And although alpacas are soft and cuddly for a night of fun, any sustained alpaca-human relationship is destined to end with crying and hoof-induced head trauma (or, in extreme cases, alpaca burgers).



Today, I changed my mind. A woman might not be able to understand the father-son-baseball relationship, and that is okay. But the one place we cannot be polar opposites is sense of humor. With that, I introduce the Lonely Island Paradigm. LIP roughly means that if she does not like the obscure SNL Digital Shorts, then we cannot be together. A girl that cannot laugh at stupid humor is further from me than an female alpaca. More like a male alpaca. Like a Republican, I think strange sexual fetishes such as beastiality can be condoned as long as they do not involve THE GAY.



Obviously, sense of humor is only one component of a relationship. Others include intelligence (I don't like girls that are the intellectual embodiment of blinking hotel vacancy signs), looks (beggars-me, cannot be choosers on this one), and political affiliation (Libertarians give the best blow jobs). For me at least, laughing and being happy is such a huge part of enjoying life that if you're not around the same levels of taste (and by that I mean a degenerate), then we have a fundamental character difference that is not amenable by any amount of physical attraction (I will take my shaved legs elsewhere). Hence, the Lonely Island Paradigm. It's less about sense of humor than it is outlook on life.